I'm such a fool aint I?



everyday, without fail , I would visit your blog.
umpteen times just to check if you have updated. even if it means to read the same post over and over again, I dont find any bore in it.
in fact, it has been more of a routine.
I'm beginning to realise it's like the only alternative I have in a way to get close to you.


and everytime when I'm there, I'll just stay on till your blog's song is over and play it over again. even if it means a hundred times.




although you've erased me from your virtual world and I know it hurts, I still have the urge to leave a message to you.
it's stupid really.


I would type in what I would call myself here together with the message and then erase it all over umpteen times as if there is something missing.






and the missing thing is YOU.



I would stare at the tag board, keep thinking if I should tag.
the mind says no but the heart says the otherwise.
fingers typing so furiously on the keyboard but mind controls it all.






in the end? nothing. just like the way you left it.




and I remembered there was a time when the girls in class stayed to listen about me&you and all the sweet advices and opinions they gave for us.
but hey, who am I kidding?
I'm such a jinx. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore.



which is why I questioned you what makes you think you'll be hurt more than I do?
even if it can't work out, our friendship still remains right?
and it SCARRED me when you can't even answer that.
deeply.
:/




I'm such a fool aint I?



even as I'm typing this down, I'm still listening to your blog song which only means one thing, that I've been keeping your blog on my tab for the whole time.
it's 2:10am now and my eyes refuses to shut itself.
and it's HARI RAYA HAJI today.



I don't know when we are going to start talking again.
You said you missed me and sweet whatnots, but are all stupid lies?
Why then do you completely erase me away?



even our friendship?
I'm still hurt ...deeply. And those tears? those were the inaugural.
I hope you're happy that you have the honour to see that.




Missing you as someone dear to me is definitely without a doubt.
but what else am I to do?
:/


and if you are reading this, well ...
since you're taking a "vacation", well I hope you do find your peace that you've been searching all this while. I'll be contented as long as you are.
just that ... all I'm pleading is don't leave me even as a friend. I miss you so.