I need you now
Thursday, February 27, 2014 | 11:30 PM | 0comments
I am not strong as I thought I am.
Please.
Lend me your strength.
x Rant x
Happy birthday.
Monday, February 17, 2014 | 11:00 PM | 0comments
It's her big day today yet I have nothing to give.
Im so hopeless.
x Rant x
To the left.
Sunday, February 16, 2014 | 11:24 PM | 0comments
To the left, to the left.
Everything you own in the box, to the left.
In the closet, that's my stuffs.
Now if I bought it, please don't touch.
- Beyonce
Yeah, somehow that song relates too damn well to what I'm about to do to you.
You're selfish, you're mean, you're a waste.
Yeah, I said it.
You're a fucking waste.
You could messed up your whole damn life, I don't care.
But once you messed up the lives of them people I care about, that's the end for you.
You aren't afraid of people, you aren't afraid of rules, you definitely aren't afraid of God.
I'm gonna show you what you'll be afraid of.
You said you're tired of living here, you get accused all the time well guess what, I've got news for you. You won't be in "pain" for long.
Laugh.
Laugh as much as you want.
This is not an immediate effect. And this is certainly not a joke.
In time, fear will crawl under your skin and latch onto you like a leech, hunger for your blood.
You do not care for your family, you only knew to take advantage.
You show no respect yet you demand for it.
You do not apologize for your wrong doings, thinking time will make us forget about your mistakes.
You simply do not appreciate for the things that you have and you only care for yourself and them friends you called as "family".
You didn't even say sorry.
I have no need for a liar, a thief and a troublemaker in my life, in my home.
Until you learn from your mistakes and show respect to your family, don't even dare to show your face around here.
This isn't your punishment. This is a gift to you.
Someday, you'll thank me for this.
x Rant x
First Time
Thursday, February 13, 2014 | 6:00 PM | 0comments
"How was your first time like?"
A question that is no stranger to me. Countless of times I've heard so many bad, weird or awkward first times and very little of good. One thing we could all agree is no matter bad or good, they are still memorable in some ways.
I had my fair share in the game of "love" but truthfully, I never really understood what "love" meant. Which is why I never associated love with sex.
I knew that love could only be identified in time and to fall in love, you have to believe that it exist. To me, one does not need feelings in order to engage in physical intimacy. Love is something deeper, something meaningful, something a girl like me isn't ready for.
I was a wild thorn the moment I stepped out from high school. I wanted to experience everything the world has to offer. So I put myself out there and boy, the fun never stop.
I was hard to contain and I was constantly occupied with my social life.
I was never afraid to get to know other people and that made my family a little uncomfortable.
They were protective of me but as a teen, I read it as obsessive and clingy. Not to mention, naggy.
I neglected my family and spent most of my nights out because there wasn't anything to look forward to at home.
To me, freedom is home.
I love the care-free life and I wanted more of it.
I enjoy doing what I do and that led me to my first love. He was 4years my senior and as cliche as it may sound, I fell hopelessly in love with his personality. He was crazy, funny and good looking.
I was hard to contain and I was constantly occupied with my social life.
I was never afraid to get to know other people and that made my family a little uncomfortable.
They were protective of me but as a teen, I read it as obsessive and clingy. Not to mention, naggy.
I neglected my family and spent most of my nights out because there wasn't anything to look forward to at home.
To me, freedom is home.
I love the care-free life and I wanted more of it.
I enjoy doing what I do and that led me to my first love. He was 4years my senior and as cliche as it may sound, I fell hopelessly in love with his personality. He was crazy, funny and good looking.
But first love doesn't necessarily meant the first person you've been with. First love in my definition, is the first person you've ever shared a special bonding with regardless how many you've dated previously. And to me, he was the first to have given me that opportunity to feel the special connection between two individuals.
Hate putting on labels, I went out with him as just "someone I'm seeing".
We chatted constantly on the net, talked on the phone till the sun comes up, we hung out, we danced, he fetched me from work and the list goes on. Till one afternoon as fate has it, we ended up watching movies in his double-decker sofa bed, all alone in the room.
Words goes around that he has a tendency to mark his woman when he wanted them to be his.
I knew exactly what they meant and although it was already expected, I secretly told myself I would prove to be different.
Little did I know, I succumbed myself into my only weakness (& strength), Lust.
From harmlessly cuddling to spooning around to caressing and suddenly, our lips were locking.
Hands were busy fumbling around through the blanket and layered of clothings, eager to touch each other's skins.
He slide his hands under my skirt and pulled down my panties, whispering if I'm ready.
I wasn't sure but I nod, embracing myself to what is coming next. He was kind, gentle enough to go slow, knowing that it would hurt me. Concern, he kept asking if I'm alright for every inch in and that he would stop if it hurt.
Impatient, I looked at him straight in the eye and said, "Shut up and just fuck me already".
And then it happened.
He slammed it in so hard, I forgot to breathe. It felt good, being my first, it was mind blowing.
We were on missionary first (I guess that's how most first time works) but I got bored of it so I turned around, push him down with his head over the edge of the bed and rode him instead. The sensation was completely different, somehow in that position he was able to hit the right spot.
His eyes showed hunger and eagerness which made me excited knowing he wants me.
As though the humping and grinding wasn't enough he lifted me up to changed into a sitting position, with him having his back resting against the sofa bed. I was panting heavily but I couldn't stop, I wouldn't stop until he told me to.
I reached out my hand over my head towards his metal bed frame to support myself, giving him the full view of my round perky boobs.
Hate putting on labels, I went out with him as just "someone I'm seeing".
We chatted constantly on the net, talked on the phone till the sun comes up, we hung out, we danced, he fetched me from work and the list goes on. Till one afternoon as fate has it, we ended up watching movies in his double-decker sofa bed, all alone in the room.
Words goes around that he has a tendency to mark his woman when he wanted them to be his.
I knew exactly what they meant and although it was already expected, I secretly told myself I would prove to be different.
Little did I know, I succumbed myself into my only weakness (& strength), Lust.
From harmlessly cuddling to spooning around to caressing and suddenly, our lips were locking.
Hands were busy fumbling around through the blanket and layered of clothings, eager to touch each other's skins.
He slide his hands under my skirt and pulled down my panties, whispering if I'm ready.
I wasn't sure but I nod, embracing myself to what is coming next. He was kind, gentle enough to go slow, knowing that it would hurt me. Concern, he kept asking if I'm alright for every inch in and that he would stop if it hurt.
Impatient, I looked at him straight in the eye and said, "Shut up and just fuck me already".
And then it happened.
He slammed it in so hard, I forgot to breathe. It felt good, being my first, it was mind blowing.
We were on missionary first (I guess that's how most first time works) but I got bored of it so I turned around, push him down with his head over the edge of the bed and rode him instead. The sensation was completely different, somehow in that position he was able to hit the right spot.
His eyes showed hunger and eagerness which made me excited knowing he wants me.
As though the humping and grinding wasn't enough he lifted me up to changed into a sitting position, with him having his back resting against the sofa bed. I was panting heavily but I couldn't stop, I wouldn't stop until he told me to.
I reached out my hand over my head towards his metal bed frame to support myself, giving him the full view of my round perky boobs.
And this excites him alot.
I threw my head back while arching my body at the same time and he began to nibbled and massaged my boobs. I was starting to lose control.. He told me not to stop and as I kept going, he was at the verge of coming. He pushed me down to the bed and started to thrust in even more harder and finally, he pulled out just in time and came all over my chest.
Panting, he asked if I did came. Confused, I told him perhaps. I felt butterflies in my tummy and my legs were shaking. I didn't know how is it to feel like to come. I didn't know when and if I could control myself from coming. I didn't know how to detect it.
That very night, I made a note to myself to research more on female orgasms.
And I was surprised to my findings.
I didn't came on my first time.
x Once Upon a Time x
Panting, he asked if I did came. Confused, I told him perhaps. I felt butterflies in my tummy and my legs were shaking. I didn't know how is it to feel like to come. I didn't know when and if I could control myself from coming. I didn't know how to detect it.
That very night, I made a note to myself to research more on female orgasms.
And I was surprised to my findings.
I didn't came on my first time.
x Once Upon a Time x
Babe.
Monday, February 10, 2014 | 2:22 AM | 0comments
She looked down into her palm and to her surprise, they were covered in white mess.
Urgh. He came in my hands? Seriously? That was just a handjob.
It was warm and she wondered what it tasted like.
No. It would be weird if I were to lick it. Just wipe it off.
So when he was busy putting his pants on, she grabbed her bag and headed for the door.
I'm leaving. This...was cute. Don't call me.
Before he could utter a reply, she closed the door behind her. This wasn't exactly the kind of night she was expecting for. She was hoping it would end much later considering it was only reaching midnight.
Restless, she flipped her phone out and scroll down to her contact list.
Yeah, I'm free. The usual, babe?
She smiled.
It's cute when he calls me babe in that voice.
Within minutes, she was straddling him in his car, with only her bra on.
You know..you should call me more often, babe.
She replied with a smile. She knew it would only spell trouble if she does. That's why she stand by the saying, "Lala dosage comes in small bits. If you take too much, you'll overdose. Just like candies, its nice once or twice but you'll get cavities if you take too much." Some people get it, some sadly don't.
And the ones in the latter are the people who irritate the shit out of her.
*Buzz..Buzz*
Babe...Your phone..
It was that guy from earlier. She rejected his call and put it on non-vibrate mode.
Urgh. Such a bug.
Concerned that she would be distracted from the call, he pinned her down to the car seat. He started to nibble her neck slowly, trailing down to her shoulders while thrusting his member continuously in her. She let out a loud moan, fingers clawed on his back and he knew he got her attention back this time. He growled and right at that moment, he bit her neck like a vampire, thirsting for blood. She couldn't take it anymore.
Bite me! Bite me more! Don't stop!
And he did just that.
From her neck to the edge of her shoulders down to her two pointy hard nipples. And when she lifted up her legs to his shoulders, he was slamming her even harder. She was screaming, she was moaning, she was begging for more. But he couldn't hold it much longer. He wanted to come so badly and he wanted to come now. So with a few hard thrust, he grabbed her waist and banged faster just so he could see her titties bounced right before he would release himself onto them.
He was panting but he wasn't done. She thought he was going to get her up for a second round but instead, he looked right into her eyes and said,
Babe...I..I love you.. and I mean it.
Her body tensed up. Shocked, perhaps?
But those were just words. She knew he didn't mean it. Even if he did, she couldn't let those words hook her. So she brushed it off with a smile. Truth is, she loves exploring physical intimacy. But it's hard to do so when feelings are involved. Unfortunately, she was disappointed when he spilled those words. Those words weren't meant for people like them, like her. He knew that, yet he thought he could be different.
She placed her right hand onto his cheek and trail his jaw bone, pulling his face closer to hers. Slowly, she kissed him almost so gently and lingered above his lips before pulling away.
I'll let you hold me for tonight. But tomorrow, we'll be strangers once again.
Don't call me..
Don't call me babe, anymore.
x Alter Ego x
Let's punch through the wall and run away
Wednesday, February 5, 2014 | 10:07 PM | 0comments
My parents married at a very young age. Granted that they were still young, it's natural for them to be impatient and hot tempered. It is no surprised when my sister and me were often being punished due to some minor mistakes.
As a kid barely at the age of seven, I tend to idolize my mother a lot (because it would only make sense she was the next in line since my dad scares me). I wasn't really a daddy's girl nor a fan of him, really. His sight not only makes me nervous, but it'll make me question almost everything about what I did from the day till nightfall if it's ethical, morally right or just, acceptable.
He has a habit to raise his tone whenever he was unhappy regardless if the neighbours could hear.
He wasn't afraid to exert physical punishment on us because that was his way of showing how he love us.
He fancy ordering around us thinking it's cute owning a nine and seven year old personal assistant.
He doesn't really bother about our education just "make sure I don't see any red marks or else!" .
He loves nagging about the importance of religion to us yet we have never pray as a family before. In fact, never seen him pray at all before.
So you couldn't really blame me and my sister for having to device an escape plan from this "madness".
We were young yet, we were hurt. We felt lost and all that we wanted to was to have a happy and tension-free life. It wasn't the best blueprint that we could come up but it was good enough for us.
We knew how many clothes we're to bring, how much food to stuff in and when we could execute the plan. The only problem, I was scared. I knew the world works with money yet I have none to get me by for this plan. So in the end, we abandon the plan.
It was a silly idea but honestly, looking a back, I wonder what would we have become if we do run away from home. It was a silly idea but the idea is still close to the heart.
x Once Upon a Time x
