Dear _____________,


I know it's pointless because I know you'll never bother to listen or take in consideration but at least I'm trying. Hard enough.

As all decisions and final say revolves only around you, sadly, you put FAIRNESS to shame.
Compromisations has never been in you dictionary.
Diplomacy? Tsk. We could only dream of it.


Yet you proudly claim the practice of fairness & equality. Proudly announced to the world that you instil HARMONY.
Haven't you realised that only lying would make you believe?
That truth had never once appealed to you but only lying is the way to your perception of truth?

And respect?
Is there even such an existence around you anymore?
It's not worth it. Not worth it.
Never once would you embrace me.
Never once would you ask politely.
Never once a sense of humanity.

You scarred me time and again. Tsk. Do you even notice it?
Your endless screaming and hiting, won't make me change.
I'm a reason person, not someone like you
who would blithely follow orders without a rhyme and reason.

I grew up differently
and I would have understand why you would do
what you did.
But to prejudice even for your own blood,
it just saddened me more.


Don't you know the hole in my soul you've imprinted is slowly eating me up?


The plight for forgiveness..
Oh, can't you see it's all a charade? A facade?
I may be in the wrong but you never deserve it.


More hiting. More screaming.


And you finally saw the tears,
Flowing down like a river you wished for.
A sense not remorse but satisfaction was explicitly written on your face.
And it wasn't because of all the
piercing words and hard rock beating that caused it.

It wasn't any of it because I am numb
to all that.
Only I realised, not numb ENOUGH.
I know why I cried.

It was disappointment not rage.
It was a dashing hope for me.
How long has it been already? Almost 19 years.
And you still couldn't understand me.
You never do and perhaps, never will.

It saddens me that after so long
living under the same roof, you had never understood me.
Bickering.
that's all we do, aint it?

I'm sad.
I tried to make an effort but you always mis-read me.
Why do I have to go through all that time and again?
Maybe I should just stop trying and start adjusting.
That I'm always the bad one, the rebel, the stubborn,
the whatever-you-name-it,
I'll swallow it.

Because when maybe I could finally realise,
that it IS true,
that the second shild is always the troublemaker, the black sheep.


I'll swallow that for whatever makes you happy.



Your second Child,
LaLa