The reality of my dream
Friday, June 6, 2014 | 1:20 AM | 0comments
I woke up tearing one morning.
It was still dark.I reached out my phone for the time.
It was 4:30am.
It had only been an hour of sleep yet I felt I was gone for almost half the night.
I sat up.
And I cried.
I couldn't stop myself. I was shaking and I needed to calm myself down but I was vulnerable. In the midst of confusion.
I had lost you.
You were gone and you can never come back. It was cruel. My mind was cruel to be playing on me.
No goodbyes, no kisses, no "I miss you". Nothing.
You were gone within a blink of an eye. It wasn't a breakup, no. It was so much worse. I couldn't even bring myself to say it. All I could remember, an unfortunate fate had befell on you and now my heart is a blackhole. It ache so bad I started tearing up again.
It wasn't real, yes I know.
But the thought of you leaving us, leaving me...was too painful that it almost felt like it happened.
No. If it is true. the pain would be unbearable.. I couldn't and don't think I would survive that.
Losing you in that nightmare felt like losing half of my life. What hurts the most was that I couldn't even do anything about it. I couldn't prevent it nor could I stop it when it happened.
I was completely helpless.
Never was I prepared for this, to be honest, I had never wanted to. I want to believe that no matter how hard life slaps us in the face, we could overcome it together, come what may and that nothing, not even the hardships of life, could separates us.
I was too bold. I was selfish. I was ignorant. And I deserve this.
A painful reminder that I have to bear. I had never fear of losing you because I know you would always be by my side as do I. But losing you like this...
Life is never fair and that is how it just is.. I never tell you enough of how much you mean to me or how big of a space you have in my heart or how my world has changed so much because of you.
You are the reason why I look forward to every morning. The reason for the butterflies in my belly when you kiss me or even a simple "Hello" through the phone. The reason for hope to be alive again when I thought I've given it all. The reason im running towards the light at the end of the tunnel in my darkest moments. You are the reason behind my laughters, my tears, my pain and my joy.
I may not say it often but you must know, if you are reading this, that I love you so very much Muhammad Zulhilmi bin Jamal. And I'm gonna make every moment count.
x Rant x
